Maybe It's Not Ment to Be
by Disposable Teen
Summary: Well, Hermione has some odd thoughts, Harry gets betrayed, lots of fluff ahead... w00!
1. Default Chapter

Maybe it's not ment to be,  
Maybe it's not for me,  
Maybe things aren't what they seem,  
Or maybe they decide to remain unseen.  
  
Hermione sat in her dorm at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry late at night, her mind painstakenly awake. It probed her on her thoughts of things. Particularly one thing. Her best friend, Harry Potter.   
It was he who was on her mind night and day, constantly, who probed her thoughts and made her second guess herself. At any time she felt upset about anything, it was Harry she would turn to. It was conforting to be in his arms when she was upset, to feel his warmth about her, and have her relax.  
Though lately, mostly now, that she'd been thinking of him more than usual, not only because of the Dark Lord looming more than ever, but because she'd begun to see him in a new light. His smile would make her melt lately, his gaze would make her want to giggle like made like some flirty preteen. It was disgusting, it was vile... It felt so right.  
So, as she lay awake, she thought of the thing standing in her way. Firstly, her own courage factor. She was completely scared these days about letting her feelings slip. She didn't want to scare him off and loose her best friend. If she'd lost that, she thought, she would probably die. The thought of not having him in her life made her sick to her stomach.   
The second thing standing in her way, was Harry's girlfriend.  
Oh yes, the vile and evil one, Jamie Hudson. The thought of her made Hermione quiver in anger. The way she clung to Harry like a magnet where ever he went, besides the common room. And it was pathetic, she thought, how she would act all high and mighty showing him off like some sort of prize, when he, had such strong feelings for this girl.   
Hermione would wake up sometimes at night to Harry shaking her awake. He would be at times a complete nervous wreck without Jamie. Crying like a baby, and disheveled. It made Hermione sick to see Jamie not act like this, and treat Harry like some toy, when Harry obviously cared very much for her. She knew that Jamie was not right at all for him, but did not have the heart to make Harry more upset than he already was at times without her.   
Sighing, Hermione tossed onto her side. Let us hope that this to shall pass, she thought as she slipped into a blissfully dreamless sleep.   
  
***  
Morning came slowly and in Gryffindor tower, spreading soft beams of sunlight streaming though the windows of the girls dormitory.  
Hermione slowly awoke to another day, blinking slowly and truging into the girls bathroom to get ready for another day.  
She turned the knobs on the shower and waited for the water to heat and slowly slipped into the shower stall, letting the water flow about her, waking her up completely, letting the water cascade down her back, through her hair and around her.  
She stepped out of the shower, dried off and got dressed. She sat in front of the bureau mirror brushing her hair, though at no avil.  
Her hair, she thought, was the worst imaginable, no longer bushy and such, but now very long, and slightly wavy, annoyed her to no end. There was nothing she could do with it, she thought. So tying it into a sloppy bun, she grabbed her bag and headed down to breakfast.  
'Breakfast, oh joy," she mumbled as she walked into the Great Hall, and seeing the small numbers of other students trickling into the hall. She truged over to the Gryffindor table and started nibbling on a biscut and studying for Arithmancy.   
For at least fifteen minutes she sat studying, until as usual, the loud footsteps of her other friend Ron Weasly bounded toward the table.  
" 'mornin Hermione" he said taking a plate and filling it with his usual amount of sasuage and toast.  
Hermione looked up from her Arithmancy book.  
"Good morning, Ron," she said with a forced grin.  
Ron Weasly, now theres the other person she used to think about almost as constantly as Harry. He had been her friend, like Harry, since first year. Though lately he'd become more of an annoyance than a friend. Always walking joviantly, going through so many girlfriends, so quickly, and constantly making trouble. He had now moved onto trying to re-establish his relationship with Hermione and Harry. After an incident which had embarassed the both of them. And had been the center of gossip for quite some time afterwards.  
He'd found a diary while walking down the hall, at the time Hermione was rushing about looking for hers, and he'd read it. He didnt know who it belonged to at the time, obviously neglecting the fact it had Hermione's name on the first page. And he'd gone about telling certain people bits and peices out of it. Bits about Harry, and himself, and the way Hermione was feeling.  
That is what had ruined their relationship with Ron.  
Hermione was about to take a bite of her biscut when she felt someone tap her shoulder. She turned around, and saw the most horrible sight she'd seen ever in her life so far.  
It was Harry. His hair was a complete and utter mess, resembling a huge matted ball of hair. His green eyes were a shade brighter than they normally were, around his eyes was a red puffyness that suggested he'd been crying, and in great amounts. His cloak looked as though it had been put on in a great hurry, inproperly buttoned, and a mess.  
Her jaw dropped.  
"Harry!" she exclaimed exasperately. "What happened?"  
"Nevermind... I need to talk to you," he said his voice quivering and short and shallow, as though he'd had something loged in his throat making it completely hard to talk.  
"Alright," said Hermione putting her book into her bag quickly and grabbing a couple biscuts. "I'm coming."  
Harry took her hand and they walked through the Great Hall, and down the front steps and towards the lake, towards the spot they both went to, to talk in private since the diary incident. To talk things out that had been bothering them both.  
The both sat down on the freshly cut grass, and Hermione glanced at Harry, who was fervently wiping his glasses on his robe.  
"Harry, what happened to you?" she asked. "You don't look well."  
Harry took a deep shuddering breath. "Jamie, she, she's.. she'd been... and then..." His voice broke off.  
"Harry I think you should take some nice deep breaths, come on, in through your nose out through your mouth," said Hermione helping him so he could now breathe properly.  
"Hermione, she'd been lying all this time."  
"What?" she said her mouth dropping open.  
"She'd been lying all this time," he said wiping his glasses again. "She never, she never loved me."  
"Harry... I'm so sorry."  
"Don't be, it's not your fault"  
Hermione shook her head. "Harry, it is my fault, I knew she was bad news from the first time you'd introduced me to her. I knew she wasn't right for you."  
She looked at the expression on Harry's face and continued.  
"She was showing you off like some prize, Harry. It was horrible to watch. And then, you seemed so in love with her, I couldn't bear to tell you. And I don't think you'd have believed me anyway."  
"I know," Harry said abruptly. "Last night she told me, and on the way while I was walking to the tower I was thinking this all over through my head. It was wrong... though I feel as though something has been wretched from me, like there is now a great hole in me."  
"Hermione, thats how it feels, how it feels when you've been betrayed, and when you feel like you've been so stupid to believe that someone had actually loved you. And I was stupid to give in to begin with. I swear... that was the worst mistake I've ever made."  
He shivered and Hermione scooted over closer to him and wrapped him into a hug.  
"Harry, sshh... it's alright. Everyone makes mistakes at one time or another."  
Harry hugged her back and they sat like that, as though reaching a mutual agreement through actions.  
  
After what seemed like hours later, they got up and walked back to the castle, and went through into the Great Hall, which was now bustling with the school, laughter, loud discussion of the upcoming quidditch games, and the sound of chewing.  
Harry and Hermione sat across from Ron, who was now in deep discussion about the Chudley Cannons with Seamus Finnagin. Ron's head snapped up.  
"Where'd you two go off to?" he asked questioningly glancing at Harry's now slightly puffy eyes and Hermiones disgruntled expression of shock.  
"We had to talk," Hermione said sharply. Ron obviously getting the point continued talking to Seamus.  
Hermione's mind was now abuzz with thoughts, as though someone had eletrocuted her brain. So many thoughts, along the lines of 'Kill Jamie' and 'how, what, when, where, why' that blazed like burning wrought iron words stamped into the soft confines of her skull. 


	2. Default Chapter

Weeks passed after that like years. The days seemed like weeks and nothing seemed quite right after that day. Hermione could feel herself tremble uncontrollably during classtimes, when she sat next to Harry. She felt a terrible greif for him, as though it were she that had been put through what Harry had. She wanted to give him a hug. His face was quite blank these days. He rarely spoke, and when it was, it was during class times when teachers called upon him.  
Hermione had begun to notice a great change in Harry. No longer were his eyes filled with joyful light and laughter but were empty. Like horrible green tunnels which had no end. Who gave no window to the soul, as the old saying had said. The way he carried himself had also changed, no longer walking joviantly, but simply moving as though he were dead to the world. As though only his mind were taking him through the hallways, as though he had no body. He was ghostly, and it was quite disturbing. Knowing what he had been before that wretched wench...  
Hermione sighed. Yes, that Jamie girl, she'd been not as stricken by this recent break up, for Harry was simply Jamies little puppet. Another boy toy, and he was broken to her, and tossed aside. The next day Jamie had a new a blonde Hufflepuff 7th year to tug around. Hermione had suspected that this is the reason they had broken up. It would have been quite right indeed, to think that it was Jamie who was unfaithful, and had ruined that relationship.  
Hermione's feelings for Harry had deepend. No longer was it a fantasy crush on him that she felt. But a desire for his presence, it was heart breaking desire she felt for him. It hurt to think of him, and know he wasn't going to notice her, like Hermione had to him. He most certainly was not going to come around and be the friend he had been before this whole Jamie thing had happened. Healing took time, a lot of time. The mending of a broken heart, is the longest healing wound Hermione knew.   
But still, she loved him from afar, and made sure to watch him very carefully. It was the nature in her to make sure he was alright. For if he was not in a right state of mind, Hermione knew he got quite unpredictable. He often talked about death with Hermione a year before now, and Hermione was worried that he might want to try and take his own life.  
Hermione sighed again. It was unbearable, indeed.  
As she was drowned in her thoughts her hand poised over the book she had been reading in her own free time. It was because she was so drowned in her thoughts that she did not notice the person who was watching her behind the bookself she sat in front of in the library.  
***  
In the library, Harry sighed. It was as if the weight of the world had conviently placed itself upon his shoulders. His breath had become quite slow and steady and silent in the last few minutes, as he thought of a blissfully wonderful thought. It was odd these days for him to think of happy things.  
For the first week or so, it was as though he were walking on casters, his mind had been left thinking about Jamie, as though it were the only thing keeping him alive. It tore a hole bigger and bigger the more he saw Jamie, within him. After a week, he just payed attention to school work, and nothing else, and only came out of the library to sleep and eat. Though he did hardly any eating. It was though he was fasting. Everything he ate seemed to taste like sandpaper. His dreams were blank, no lovely dreams of being with Jamie. No fantasies, no nightmares, just simple blank, dreamless sleep, which was rather unusual for Harry. And when he awoke each morning, opening his eyes felt like tearing them open as though they were glued shut. It was as if in sleep, Harry's entire system would completely shut down. It was very odd, very odd indeed.  
He felt so alone. He missed Hermione, and the way she used to comfort him when he was upset. But it seemed as though she was backing off, as though Harry had some sort of disease and needed time as vaccination.   
Harry let his thoughts wander. Ahh... Hermione, she was a pleasent thing to think about. The way she walked, talked, moved, breathed, everything about her seemed so perfect at the moment.   
He shook his head, and took a glance at Hermione from his table situated behind the bookshelf behind her, and continued studying.  
***  
Hermione stood up from her table in the library and streched widely, with a yawn. Perhaps the rest of her extra credit papers shall have to wait for tommorow. She gathered up her things and put them in her book bag in an orderly fashion and headed to the Great Hall to grab some food from what was left of dinner.   
She passed a few students heading in the direction of their houses, this was odd, she thought looking at her watch. It's only 7:45, why would everyone be leaving from dinner this early? She continued walking towards the Great Hall, as more and more students walked in the opposite direction, hissing in whispers and looking at Hermione oddly as she walked. When she finally reached the Great Hall, she noticed the large doors had been shut and locked, seeing the very large padlock upon them.   
This is very odd, she pondered, I wonder what happened. She turned and went in the direction of Gyriffendor Tower, maybe someone there would know. Good Lord knows that all she needed to do was ask Lavender or Parvarti, for they knew practicly every gossip topic under the sun. When she had nearly reached the tower however, she heard a set of footsteps behind her. She turned around, and saw Harry walking up the stairs, carrying quite a large quantity of books, and if he wasn't careful, it looked as though he'd topple over.   
When he reached the top of the stairs he caught sight of Hermione. His previous expression of exhaustion had vanished and his face was contorted in what seemed like, well... it was hard to place, but it was a look that she had never seen on his face before.  
Hermione shifted nervously.  
"Need a hand with those?" She asked holding out her hands as though to pick up some books from the top of the stack Harry was carrying.  
"Nah, I'll be alright." This shocked Hermione of how Harry's voice sounded. It was so different than when last heard it. It didn't seem to be Harry talking. It was a flat, monotonious voice that veiled no emotion, and it quite frightened her to some extent.   
"Oh alright then."  
There was an awkward silence, the only sound heard was the rumbling of students feet many floors below. Hermione turned down the hall and muttered the password to the fatlady and scrambled into the common room, leaving Harry out in the hall.  
When inside the Common Room she ran up the stairs to the girls dormitories and into her room. She threw her bag on the floor and flopped down face first on her bed, and for a while she just lied there, breathing, not thinking, not moving, just there.   
It was so odd to see Harry like that, she thought. She was so sure that that couldn't have been the Harry she knew and loved. She definately needed to talk this out. She hated Jamie, she wanted Jamie to die. She wanted very horrible things to happen to Jamie in the near future. She had ruined Harry, and in turn had ruined Hermione. What she held dear was now spoiled, and she wasn't sure if she could get Harry back the way he was.  
"It's no use just sitting here and pondering about all this," she said out loud to herself. She nodded. Perhaps she should find out from Parvarti or Lavender now about what was the business with the Great Hall being all closed up tight.  
She walked out of her room and down the hall to the normal 7th year girl's dorm, seeing as she was now Head Girl, she got her own room to herself. It was exactly how remembered it, the dorm, decorated in the same photographs, and the same smell lingered around it. The dresser was still covered with make up from Parvarti and Lavender and the two other girls who stayed in the dorm. But oddly enough, no one was in the dormitory when she walked in. She heard none of the normal chatter that rumbled from the common room. This was strange, very strange, and what did it mean.  
She walked away from the dorm and down to the common room. Every Gryffindor was in there, sitting, whispering, very softly to one another. Hermione caught sight of Parvarti and sat next to her.  
"Parvarti?" she whispered.  
Parvarti didn't move to face her.  
"Yes, Hermione?" Parvarti whispered back not looking at Hermione.  
"What's wrong? Why is everyone like this? And why was the Great Hall locked up when I went the before?"  
This time Parvarti turned to look at her.  
"Voldemort. There was an attack on the edge of the school grounds. We were at dinner when Dumbledore announced it, and we were told to come to the dorms."  
Hermione's eyes widened.  
"Who was attacked?"  
"Jamie, Jamie Hudson." 


	3. Default Chapter

Hermione ran. She ran faster than she ever could have, without the adrenilene rush she felt (Ron later described it as Hurricane Herm, which just goes to show his lack of intellegence), to Harry's room.  
She stood outside the door. She felt as though she couldn't breathe. How many times has she waited outside this door bringing up the courage to talk? Hundreds perhaps, at each time Hermione felt a shuddering nervousness.   
She took some deep breaths and examined the fine grain of the door to calm her down, counting the dots of wood grain, and slowing her breath.  
"Harry?" She called cautiously as she opened the door ever so slightly.  
The room was dark, not in the sense of lighting, but the aura. It sent chills down her spine. A window that was left open blew the curtains of the five four poster beds in the room wildly, and sitting on the window seat, was Harry.  
"Harry?" she called again, softly as she approached him.  
She touched his shoulder with her hand and felt him tense.  
"Hermione?" He said, what seemed like hours later.  
"Yes Harry?"  
"Is it true?"  
She sat next to him on the window seat, and stared into his blank expressionless face. This face, which she had seen only a half hour before, in this same expression, had now driven her to fear now.  
She nodded.  
The previously expressionless face fell, agony seemed to pour out of his very face. His eyes seemed like softly light headlights, glaring in the darkness of the room.  
"I.." she started saying, her voice quavering.  
But her voice was stopped by the covering of her mouth by Harry's. Emotions flew through her like lightening bolts, eagerness, sadness, and sympathy left her as fast as they had come. All that seemed to matter at this moment, was the sudden shock of his kiss. It was so sweet, breathing seemed to not matter anymore to her. Just the pressure on her lips was enough to send her into a whirlwind of, well, no words could describe it. Not even if they tried. Nothing like this had she experienced before. She thought she could feel the agony and pain flood away from Harry as he deepened the kiss, minutes seemed to fly by, the lack of air making them both lightheaded, and when they finally broke the kiss beads of sweat had formed on both their foreheads.  
And as Hermione blinked, all her worries flooded right back along now with worries and thoughts and anxiousness from that kiss.  
Harry seemed to sense her thoughts and frowned.  
"Hermione..." He said quietly. "I'm sorry..."  
"Harry, there's no rea-"  
"Shh... I'm sorry, Hermione, for treating you like this for so long. I'm sorry for always running to you, I'm sorry for treating you like shit these past few weeks, and I'm sorry for thinking that way about Jamie... but I won't say sorry for what has occured right now."  
He took a breath and continued.  
"Jamie is gone, there's nothing I can do, but you know, Hermione... I do feel that what happened to her was wrong, and probably wouldn't have ever happened if I hadn't met her, but you know... She made me feel wonderful, Hermione. She betrayed me, and then there was you, my sweet Hermione..."  
"I love you, Hermione. More than life itself, and I'm so thick for not realizing it by now. With Jamie and with all those other sad excuses for human life, I was never truly complete. But you, you were always there, I now remember what damage I could have caused our friendship during those times, when I came to you for answers. But never once, Hermione, did you turn your back on me. I love you... You've been so encredible, I can't understand how you could have put up with me. But I love you for it Hermione. All I wish, is that I could have thought of you more then, and not now, when it is probably a long way past due."  
Silence, complete and utter silence after that. Hermione was registering this all now, thinking this was all a dream, this couldn't be real. Not now... She blinked as though trying to wake up. And it didn't work. This was really happening. All those years of pent up adoration and love for Harry, and all along thinking he never thought of her other than a makeshift psychiatrist, when he felt the same. Now it seemed at this moment, that everything was falling into place. She thought this over and over in her head and then spoke.  
"Harry, I want you to know, that I love you too. But that just doesn't give enough justice to how I've felt and have felt for years now. Harry... I've loved you for so long, and still do. You do realise how hard that was? Thinking that I was nothing to you but some sort of mental punching bag. But... now after all this... I still love you, I love you more than I ever have before this moment."  
"I want you to know, Harry, that I will always be there. It's like I've been a maiden in a tower for so long, daydreaming of that lovely fairy tale prince, when all along he was off chasing the peasents. And now, it's so comforting to know, that this isn't just a one sided thought, as narcisstic as it may sound. I love you, Harry, I honestly truly do."  
All this time she was talking, she was looking down and avoiding Harry's eyes. And even then it was like she could feel two beams burning into the confines of her skull. Soft tears began to trickle down her cheeks.  
Harry wrapped an arm around her and lifted her chin. Their eyes gazed at each others. It was remarkable that in the moonlight they looked so much like one of those cheesy Romeo and Juliet couples you see on those silly Lifetime movies. But this... this was real, this was happening and it was doubted that it would stop.  
Out of impulse alone Hermione reached out and clung to Harry as tight as she could, sobbing happy tears.  
***  
The next morning they both awoke in Harry's dorm room, exactly in the position they'd been sitting in on the window seat. It seemed that no one had come up to bed that night. The usual mess of disgruntled sheets and blankets from the four beds other than Harry's was not there.  
Hermiones eyes fluttered open and looked up into Harry's.  
"I better go... we have class today..."   
She got up slowly off of the window seat and gave Harry a soft kiss on his forehead and walked back to her own dorm to get ready.  
At least an hour later Harry, Hermione and the rest of Gryffindor Tower headed down to the Great Hall for breakfast. People seemed to be walking shells of dread. Save Draco Malfoy of course, he seemed to have a heart of cold wrought black metal. Everyone was expecting Dumbledore to make some sort of announcement about last nights events.  
Harry and Hermione solemly took seats at the table near Ron and Ginny and the other Gyrffindors.  
Ron, who was sitting across from them at the table looked up and grinned slightly.  
"You two have made up have you?" He smirked.  
Harry glared at Ron. "Yes Ron, not that it's anything to you."  
"Actually, it is quite something to me," Ron said. "I kept everyone out of the dorm for you."  
"Oh don't act so noble Ron," said Hermione as she buttered a peice of toast. "Even if someone did find us, who would find it odd for two friends hugging?"  
"Hugging in one's dorm could look like an entirely different situation," Ron stated frigidly.  
Harry and Hermione looked at each other and nodded.  
"Shove it, Ron," they stated in unison. 


End file.
